Riza's Secret
by sevendeadlyseas
Summary: Roy and Riza have a far more complicated past than any of their coworkers know, and it may have something to do with one Edward Elric.
1. Chapter 1

**I was going through my documents and found this little gem, all there and waiting to be posted. I hope you enjoy it! Happy New Year!**

* * *

Riza Hawkeye stood over the bathroom sink, hand covering her mouth and tears silently trekking down her face.

In front of her was her worst nightmare confirmed: a positive pregnancy test.

The invention was fairly new, and she had been apprehensive about the accuracy, but the positive result coupled with the bouts of sickness she had continually experienced over the past few weeks left no doubt in her mind. Riza Hawkeye was going to be a mother at the age of seventeen.

Contraception was hard to come by, especially in the rural area she lived in, so whenever she and her father's alluring apprentice, Roy Mustang, managed to sneak in quickie, it had always been a gamble – a stupid one, she now realised.

Her father was going to kill her. Instances like this were pretty uncommon, and even when they did happen, the couple was usually immediately married to avoid public ridicule. But since Roy had left for the military several weeks ago that was impossible, and Riza was quite sure her father wouldn't want him back anyway.

"Riza!" almost as if on cue, Berthold Hawkeye rapped his knuckles loudly on the door. "Hurry up in there!"

"Sorry father" she called out listlessly, quickly wrapping up the test in toilet paper and shoving it in her back pocket. There was no way she was going to leave it around where he could find it, even if it was in the trash. No, she would discard of it outside the house, unwilling to take any chances.

* * *

 _Dear Roy,_

No, that sounded too intimate.

 _To Roy,_

Too detached.

 _Roy,_

Ah yes. Short and straight to the point, the perfect metaphor for their relationship.

 _I keep delay writing this letter because I'm afraid of what your response may be – or lack thereof in fact. I've tried at least about a hundred times but then get too emotional or paranoid that my father will come in and see it._

Riza looked over her shoulder out of habit.

 _I'm not sure when or if you'll ever see this, but you deserve to know. I'm pregnant. It's yours of course, but I don't expect you to return or do anything for me. I understand. I'm not even sure if I'm going to keep it. I know I wouldn't be a good mother. It would probably be better off with someone else. I just thought you should know there's a child out there with your genes, as cold as it sounds._

 _Best of luck in the military._

 _Riza Hawkeye._

She exhaled loudly as she finished the letter, quickly folding it up and slipping it into an envelope as she prepared to leave and mail it.

"Riza?"

The young girl almost screamed as her father startled her. "Father! Uh, yes?"

Berthold gave the girl a once-over as Riza prayed he didn't notice the letter in her hand. She had few friends, and those she did have she visited often, so there was no reason for her to be mailing or receiving mail from anyone.

Thankfully, he didn't comment on it. "Come with me to my study. I need your help with something."

Riza breathed a sigh of relief, and in her panic tossed the envelope into the fireplace, watching the paper curl up and burn before joining her father in the study.

* * *

It hurt.

God, her back stung so badly and she could do nothing but scream silently, having lost her voice minutes ago.

She let tears fall silently as her father held her down, scarring her body with the disgusting array, simply praying to whatever gods she could think of that her baby would be okay.

There was no way she could keep it.

She couldn't even keep herself safe.

* * *

At five months, a faint baby bump finally became visible through Riza's normal clothes. At six months, it surpassed her baggier attire, leaving nothing to be assumed.

By some odd twist of fate, it was also around this time that Berthold became dreadfully sick to the point of being bedridden.

A blessing in disguise, Riza supposed as her father shouted to be left alone.

* * *

The first time she felt the baby kick, Riza couldn't stop the happy feeling bubbling up inside her. That, she decided, was the moment that it finally felt real.

She began speaking to it, spilling her secrets like she had so often found herself doing to Roy before, leading her to tell the foetus stories about its father.

"I'm sorry you couldn't meet him" she found herself apologising one sleepless night, "I'm sure he would have loved you, but I couldn't do that to him. I suppose that's unfair to you" she admitted, stroking her stomach absent-mindedly, "but you'll have another father, another mother too, I suppose. They'll be able to look after you."

It was true, Riza had long resigned herself to the fact that she would give up her baby, but she couldn't help but feel disheartened at the notion. She was quickly becoming attached to the being inside of her, but knew it would be best to give it up.

She couldn't intrude on Roy's life, take away his dreams of alchemy and the military. He deserved to be successful, and Riza couldn't begrudge him that.

Admittedly, Riza had entertained the notion of keeping the baby, but knew it couldn't be done. She and her father were currently living off of his savings, and once that run out, Riza wouldn't be able to get a job with a baby to care for. She couldn't condemn a child to a life of beggary, not when she could ensure they were given a good home and loving family.

"I'm sorry" she whispered to the child, smiling slightly as it kicked back.

Perhaps that was their way of telling her they forgave her.

* * *

Riza never told her father about the pregnancy, but as time passed the two reached a 'don't ask don't tell' understanding.

As he was cared for by his now seventeen-year-old daughter, Berthold simply stared silently at her. One day he broke the silence, simply saying "I wonder if it'll be an alchemist."

Riza bit the inside of her cheek, forcing herself to hold back insults. "I guess you'll never know."

* * *

Much to Riza's surprise, Berthold regained the little health he had left to witness the birth of his grandchild, who came a month too early.

The teenager was woken up by the painful contractions in the early hours of the morning and endured it for the next few hours until Berthold sent her to the hospital, complaining that her pained noises were exhausting him.

Riza walked to the small hospital in town alone, frightened and desperate for some kind of relief by the time she arrived.

The nurses weren't comforting and sympathetic, or judgemental and cold, but rather calm and methodical. The process seemed to last hours when in reality Riza only had a half-hour left in labour before finally, between her own screams, she heard the wails of a child, and suddenly the rest of the room seemed to black out as Riza set her eyes on the tiny infant in one of the nurses' arms.

"It's a boy," one of the nurses informed her monotonously.

Riza smiled weakly and tried to push herself up in bed as they brought the baby over to her.

"Would you like to hold your son?"

"Y-yeah" she said, her voice strained from all the screaming.

The nurse carefully placed the child in his mother's waiting arms and Riza sobbed.

He was _tiny_. Smaller than a newborn should be as he was premature, and while it had initially frightened her, he was still perfect.

"Hey, baby. I'm your mummy" she said shakily, all thoughts of adoption out the window. She loved this child with all her heart and now that he was here, she couldn't stand the thought of someone taking him away.

"Would you like us to alert the father now? We can have all the paperwork here soon for him to fill out while you rest" a nurse asked kindly.

Riza didn't look away from the baby "oh, no, my dad is-" she paused, realising they meant the father of her child, not Berthold. "There's no one" she said quietly.

The nurse simply nodded.

"Okay, well I'll get those papers ready for you now. You'll need to fill out his birth certificate along with several medical documents."

Riza didn't reply, too wrapped up in the baby in her arms.

He had to be the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen.

He clearly favoured Riza, with her skin complexion, eyes and little tufts of blonde hair sticking up in an almost antenna-like way. However he did have his father's nose and bone-structure. She suspected he would look more like Roy later in life.

When he opened his eyes for the first time she was surprised to see the dazzling gold most reminiscent of the Xerxian people. She had no idea where those genes could have come from.

"You need a name, don't you little one" Riza said quietly as the infant stared up at her, almost as if he was studying her face. "How about Edward?"


	2. Chapter 2

When Riza took Edward home, she was greeted by her father sitting on the front porch of the house.

"You're up?" was the first thing she said, surprised that he had managed to sit up, let alone walk all the way out of the house.

"I wanted to meet my grandchild… at least once before… before you hide him away from me." Berthold said, his voice straining from the effort of talking.

Riza frowned, unable to say anything as that had been her intention exactly. Ever since that night he had carved that array into her skin, Riza had lost all trust in her father and didn't intend for him ever to lay eyes on her child.

"His name is Edward" she told him.

Berthold held his hands out to hold the baby briefly but retracted them when he realised Riza wasn't going to let him touch him.

"You're not going to be able to keep him."

"You can't make me do anything" Riza said defiantly, pushing past the sick man to enter the house.

"That's not what I meant," Berthold called after her, "you don't even have a crib, Riza."

She was getting used to ignoring her father.

* * *

"Please stop crying" Riza begged the baby in her arms. "Hush... It's okay" it felt like she had been repeating the same words for hours now.

No one told her how hard this was going to be.

She had fed and changed Ed _twice_ , even though there was no need for it and he was still crying.

Riza bounced the child in her arms, hoping the movements would lull him into sleep somehow.

"Come on Edward, give mummy a break… shhh"

Edward only cried louder, flailing his little fists around and accidentally hitting his mother in the process.

"Calm down, honey… it's okay"

At this point Riza felt more like she was trying to assure herself.

Maybe her father was right. She couldn't do this on her own.

* * *

 _Roy,_

 _You have a child._

That was too direct, even for her.

Riza sighed, leaning back on the desk to watch Edward squirming on the bed.

For a baby of only a few weeks old, he sure was restless. Even while he napped, he was moving. Riza had a horrible feeling he was going to be a trouble-maker.

The last few weeks had been some of the most challenging in her life. Between caring for a newborn and (begrudgingly) tending to her father, Riza was constantly exhausted, and though she didn't want to admit it, her time was running out. She either needed some help, or to give up Edward up. And she _really_ didn't want to lose her baby.

 _Roy,_

 _I know that when you receive this, you'll probably hate me a bit. Probably forever. I've kept a huge, horrible secret from you and that's not fair of me. My intention was always to protect you, but you deserve a chance to make that choice for yourself._

 _We have a baby. I found out that I was pregnant a little after you left and didn't want to distract you, but I really need some help. His name is Edward, and I love him, but he's a handful. He deserves two parents. I hope-_

Suddenly, a loud bang echoed throughout the room, followed by a shrill scream.

Riza whipped her head around and almost screamed herself as she saw Edward lying inches away from a fallen shelf.

She instantly jumped up, grabbing Edward and holding him close to her as he cried. After inspecting the shelf, she found that the screws must have been coming loose for a while and simply finally gave out.

"Riza!" the young girl winced as she heard her father's weak voice yell throughout the house. Sighing, she following the sound to his room, waiting in the doorway.

Berthold looked up at her with sad eyes as Edward continued crying against her chest.

"Riza it's two in the morning" he said matter-of-factly.

Riza glanced up at the clock in doubt.

She hadn't even noticed.

"O-oh."

Berthold sighed. "That kid can do better than you and that idiot Mustang, and you know it."

Riza blinked back tears, looking away from her father who, even when bedridden, could reduce her to nothing in an instant, to her son who she wanted so desperately to be strong for.

"Stop being so selfish."

* * *

Deep down, Riza had always known this would happen.

She felt like crying as she entered the adoption agency with Edward on her hip, but she continued to remind herself that it was for his own good.

"We do our absolute best to find loving, healthy homes for all children" one of the workers was explaining, "there are quite a few families looking for a baby, so I'm sure this cutie will be adopted in no time!"

Riza gave the woman a weak smile but couldn't help tightening her grip on Edward. At two months old, he had certainly grown more into his features and was indeed an adorable baby.

In truth, Riza never wanted to give him up, and it broke her heart that she would have to leave him soon. He already recognised her as his mother and was becoming quite attached to her, and she couldn't help but imagine him with his new family, confused and wondering where his real mother was.

"Can I see some of the files?" she asked the woman politely.

"Of course."

All of the families looked like loving, stable couples, but one that stood out to Riza was a woman called Trisha Elric. She reminded Riza somewhat of her own mother, with a kind face and warm aura, clear even through the photograph. For some reason, she really stuck out from the others.

"Where's Resembool?" Riza wondered aloud.

"It's a small rural community in the South East region. Are you interested in the Elric family?"

Riza looked down at her son, who was disinterestedly gazing at the woman's picture. "Yeah. Is there any way I could meet with them?

* * *

Though it wasn't common practise, the adoption agency did allow meetings between biological and potential adoptive parents, and so a train ride was booked for Riza soon after. With no one but her father to look after Edward, Riza packed up both their things and left her father a couple of meals.

The train ride to Resembool was longer than expected, and Riza eventually ended up falling asleep with Edward. She supposed that was a good thing – the further away he was, the less likely they were to meet again.

It was nice to see the place her son would grow up in. It was very green, and seemed to be neighbourly, based on the amount of strangers who smiled and waved at her.

The Elric home was on a sizeable piece of land where Edward could play, and surrounded by nearby homes, ensuring he'd have friends. Nothing like their home, small and hidden away from the rest of town. Resembool was everything Riza wished she'd had as a child.

Sighing, the young girl decided to face reality and knocked on the door.

The front door opened, revealing the young brunette Riza knew must be Trisha.

"Trisha Elric?"

As she laid eyes on Edward, who was craning his neck to look at all the scenery, Trisha beamed and opened the door wide.

"Oh, you must be Miss Hawkeye! Please, come in, come in!"

Riza entered, feeling a little awkward and out of place as she stood in the foyer of this kind woman's home.

"Is this Edward?" Trisha cooed.

"Ah, yeah" Riza said uneasily, not wanting to pass him over so quickly. "I'm sorry, could we talk first?"

Trisha gave her a warm, understanding smile. "Of course."

She led Riza into a small sitting room and invited her to join her on the sofa.

"Is Edward your son? How old are you?" Trisha inquired, not unkindly, but rather curiously.

"I'm seventeen, and yes, he's mine" Riza replied, unintentionally sounding a little protective.

Again, Trisha simply smiled. "He's just darling."

"Thank you" Riza couldn't help but say, proud of her son. "So, um," she said, trying to put the conversation back on track, "why are you interested in adopting?"

"My partner and I were told there is a very slim chance of conceiving our own children. It's been several years now and still no baby" she gave Riza a sad sort of smile. "But I don't care if a child is mine biologically or not, I just want a beautiful baby to raise and love like my own."

"I'm sorry to hear that" Riza said. It did seem rather unfair to her that such a caring, capable woman would struggle having children while she had been burdened with one at such a young an age.

"If you don't mind me asking, what made you decide to give this little one up for adoption? I can't imagine the stress you must be going through" Trisha added, shooting Riza a sympathetic look.

"I'm seventeen" she explained simply. "I love Edward, and want him to have a good life… and I can't provide that for him."

As if to accentuate her point, Edward suddenly started crying, looking up at Riza with his big gold eyes, almost like a plea.

"What's wrong, Edward?" Riza cooed, bringing him up to eye-level. He didn't need a diaper change. "Are you hungry?" she tried to bring him closer to her chest, but he just screamed and turned away from her unhappily.

"May I?" Trisha held her arms out with a smile.

Gulping, Riza reluctantly passed her baby over to Trisha.

The older woman started bouncing him and cooed as his wails slowly ceased.

"There we go… you're such a good boy, Edward!" Trisha praised as Ed went silent and instead began inspecting the stranger holding him.

Riza did her best to hold back her tears.

* * *

"I have all of the official documents here; all we need to do is sign them."

Riza nodded as the man Trisha called Van indicated to the different papers.

Most of the documents were wordy and long, but they all represented the same thing to Riza: she was losing her child.

It physically pained her to sign her name so many times. It seemed surreal that something as flimsy as a signature could strip her of all parental rights.

"You missed this one, Miss Hawkeye" Hohenheim pointed out. "Would you like to be contactable throughout Edward's life? Should he ever need medical information or want to contact you."

Riza froze. It was so tempting.

She shouldn't. She was doing this to keep Edward out of her life.

But what if he needed her? What if something happened to him? She couldn't not know.

"I… suppose, yes. That's fine."

"Great… one last signature and… we're parents!" Trisha exclaimed happily, snuggling into Hohenheim's arm. "Isn't that great, Van!"

As the two celebrated quietly, Riza silently moved to the sofa where Edward was sitting, playing with some sort of toy

"Hey, baby" she said softly, reaching out to stroke his cheeks.

Edward smiled up at her and held his toy out.

Riza chuckled. "That's great, sweetie. You're going to be very happy here, aren't you?"

"Miss Hawkeye?" she turned to see Trisha and Hohenheim watching her, a pitying look plastered across both their faces.

"Can I just have a minute, please?" she practically begged.

Trisha nodded and escorted her lover out of the room before he could say anything.

Turning back to face her son, Riza reached out to hug him properly, almost sobbing when the child threw his arms around her neck too.

"Goodbye, Edward" Riza sniffed tearfully. "I love you."

The blonde-haired baby simply grinned up at her, snuggling further into her chest, no idea of the significance this embrace held for his mother.

Biological mother. Riza wasn't his 'mum' anymore.

"I know you're going to grow up with amazing parents and be big and strong and happy" she told the baby, tears freely flowing down her face now. "If you ever want to find me, you're allowed to do that, okay?" she paused as if Edward would answer her. "I love you" she whispered one final time.

* * *

Riza practically ran to the train station and caught the first ride out of Risembool. She spent the long train ride crying, mourning the loss of her still living child, hoping to return home with a fresh attitude, a different outlook on life.

Unfortunately, fate had a very different idea.

When she returned to her childhood home, it was to the picture of the man she loved and had prayed to return to her for months, crying over her fathers' lifeless body.

She stood in the doorway, watching, for what felt like hours, unable to comprehend the scene before her.

"Riza… I'm sorry… should've come sooner" Roy sobbed, mourning the loss of his mentor.

Riza stared at him with blank eyes, the irony of his timing physically painful. "Yeah, you should have" she said coldly.


End file.
